Geoph Essex, a.k.a. Jeff Essex, d.b.a. Semper Bufo (referred to in this document in the first person: me, I) provides you access to the content on the Semper Bufo Web site (the “Site”), and offers the opportunity to contact him, subject to these Contact Form Submission Terms and Conditions ("Terms and Conditions"). By submitting any information via any data upload or form on the Site, or downloading any imagery, media, or other content for personal or other use, you acknowledge that you have read, understand and agree to be bound by the Terms and Conditions written here, in their entirety and without limitation or qualification.
This stuff is mine. I own it. Other than the products attributed to other creators and owners, it’s all my stuff. You don’t own it. You can’t use it without permission. You can’t alter or modify it in any way. Seriously, stop it.
The Site is mine. I own it, I design it, I code it, I even host it. If you like to hack into systems, please enjoy hacking some corrupt orange asshole’s bank account, and I shall stand up and applaud. If you want to hack my system, you’re a dick. What the hell is wrong with you? I’m just some guy, and no particular threat to anyone. Get over it, grow up, and do some good in the world.
This Site is for the purposes of promoting and displaying my work. It is not for the purposes of extending your work. Unless you are an agent, manager or otherwise useful representative in one of the fields in which I work, and are interested in getting me work by representing me or otherwise providing such services, you are not permitted to solicit me with your own services in any way, shape, form, method, or manner through this site, or by using any information you gain through the existence of and/or access to this Site. This includes but is not limited to any advertisement of medical products (scientifically vetted or otherwise), stock tips, search engine optimization offers, and any offers of products or services that I did not specifically request from you. If you send such items, then you are a douche, and you are subject to the section below entitled “You Are A Douche.”
If you break any of these Terms and Conditions without my express consent—especially the section above entitled “I Hate Spam”—then you are henceforth classified as a complete douche. As a complete douche, you now owe to me the sum of $4,300,000.00 (four million, three hundred thousand U.S. dollars) for being a douche who broke my rules, and you must publicly apologize, in writing and on video, at your own expense, in a venue that will be seen by at least 3000 individuals who do not know you personally; in this apology, you must wear a very, very silly outfit, as judged by me, in my sole discretion, and you must admit to everyone what a douche you are, while optionally hammering your fingers with a large blunt instrument (your choice on the blunt instrument—I’m not a douche). To enforce this, I may choose to seek legal action against you at any time. Keep in mind that you have agreed to this by checking out my stuff and/or submitting a contact form in the first place.
Some links on this Site lead to other Web sites. Some of those are also mine; some are not. You use any other Web site at your own risk, and I’m not responsible for what you do or what is done to you there. But if it’s one of mine, keep all of this stuff in mind—it almost certainly still holds.
In accessing and using the Site, you will comply with these Terms and Conditions and any other instructions for access or use posted on the Site. You will always act in accordance with the law, custom and in good faith. You may not make any change or alteration to the Site or any content available on the Site, including but not limited to text, graphics, logos, images, video or audio, data and software, whether individually or collectively (the “Content”), and may not impair in any way the integrity or operation of the Site.
All Content is the property of Geoph Essex/Jeff Essex/Semper Bufo, or by the otherwise attributed creators/owners, and is protected by United States and international copyright laws.
The trademarks, logos, and service marks displayed on the Site (collectively, the “Trademarks”) are the registered and unregistered marks of Geoph Essex/Jeff Essex/Semper Bufo or their attributed owners, in the United States and other countries, and are protected by United States and international trademark laws.
Except as permitted by the limited licenses below, or as permitted by applicable law, you may not use, reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell, access, modify or otherwise exploit, in whole or in part, the Content, Trademarks or any other portion of the Site for any purpose without my prior written consent.
You have a limited, revocable, nonexclusive license to use the Site, by which I mean check out the pages, see content, and submit contact forms, unless I decide to block you, which I kind of just get to do, since the Site is mine (see above). Your use of the Site does not include the right to: (i) frame or utilize framing techniques to enclose the Site or any portion thereof; (ii) modify or download the Site or Content (except caching or as necessary to view the Site); (iii) create any derivative work based upon either the Site or Content; (iv) collect account information for the benefit of yourself or another party; (v) use any meta tags or any other “hidden text” utilizing my names or the Trademarks or to otherwise use the Trademarks; or (vi) use software robots, spiders, crawlers, or similar data gathering and extraction tools, or take any other action that may impose an unreasonable burden or load on the technology infrastructure supporting the Site.
You also have a limited, revocable, nonexclusive license to create a hyperlink to the home page or any other page of the Site for personal, non-commercial use only. A Web site that links to the Site (i) may link to, but not reproduce, my Content (except as set forth below); (ii) may not imply that I’m endorsing such Web site or its products, services or content; (iii) may not misrepresent its relationship with me or my Site; (iv) may not portray me or my Content in a false or misleading manner; and (v) may not use any Trademark. I may, in my sole discretion, request that you remove any link to the Site, and upon receipt of such request, you shall immediately remove such link. Or you’re a douche (see above).
You agree to defend, indemnify and hold me harmless from any losses, damages, costs or expenses, including but not limited to, reasonable attorney’s fees and expenses, resulting from any third party claim, action or demand resulting from your use or misuse of the Site, including but not limited to, third party claims, actions or demands resulting from your Submissions.
THE SITE IS PRESENTED “AS IS.” TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, I MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND WHATSOEVER, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, IN CONNECTION WITH THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OR THE SITE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, NON-INFRINGEMENT OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE AND AGREE THAT (A) THE CONTENT GENERALLY REPRESENTS MY VIEWS AND/OR THE VIEWS OF THE ATTRIBUTED OWNERS/CREATORS, AND (B) THE CONTENT IS PROVIDED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND INFORMATION ONLY. TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, I DO NOT REPRESENT OR WARRANT THAT THE CONTENT IS COMPLETE, RELIABLE, CURRENT OR ERROR-FREE.
YOU AGREE THAT, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, NEITHER GEOPH ESSEX/JEFF ESSEX/SEMPER BUFO, NOR ANY PERSON OR ENTITY INVOLVED IN THE CREATION, PRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION OF THE SITE, IS OR WILL BE RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE TO ANY PERSON OR ENTITY FOR ANY LOSS, DAMAGE (WHETHER ACTUAL, INDIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE, EXEMPLARY OR OTHERWISE), COST, EXPENSE, INJURY, CLAIM, DEMAND OR OTHER LIABILITY OF ANY KIND WHATSOEVER ARISING OUT OF OR RELATING TO THE USE OR ATTEMPTED USE OF THE SITE OR ANY THIRD PARTY SITE.
WITHOUT LIMITING THE GENERALITY OF THE FOREGOING, YOU AGREE THAT, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, NEITHER GEOPH ESSEX/JEFF ESSEX/SEMPER BUFO, NOR ANY PERSON OR ENTITY INVOLVED IN THE CREATION, PRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION OF THE SITE IS OR WILL BE RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE (WHETHER IN CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE), UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR ANY (A) INTERRUPTION OF BUSINESS; (B) ACCESS DELAYS OR ACCESS INTERRUPTIONS TO THE SITE; (C) DATA NON-DELIVERY, MISDELIVERY, CORRUPTION, DESTRUCTION OR OTHER MODIFICATION; (D) LOSS OR DAMAGES OF ANY SORT INCURRED AS A RESULT OF DEALINGS WITH OR THE PRESENCE OF THIRD PARY SITE LINKS ON THE SITE; (E) COMPUTER VIRUSES, SYSTEM FAILURES OR MALFUNCTIONS WHICH MAY OCCUR IN CONNECTION WITH YOUR USE OF THE SITE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DURING HYPERLINK TO OR FROM THIRD PARTY SITES; (F) INACCURACIES OR OMISSIONS IN CONTENT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ATTRIBUTED WORKS OR OTHER SUBMISSIONS; (G) DEFAMATORY, OFFENSIVE OR ILLEGAL CONDUCT OF ANY PERSON OR ENTITY OR (H) EVENTS BEYOND MY REASONABLE CONTROL.
If you see something on here that you believe is yours, and is not attributed to you, then you agree to let me know about your claim. If you’re right, I’ll update the attribution. If you’re not, I’ll let you know. If you try to sue me first without making a reasonable request for attribution and/or removal, you’re a douche (see above). I am not a douche for putting up any Content that I have good faith reason to believe I am permitted to display, particularly if it falls under my droit morale rights to display my work, or my rights to my own likeness and imagery.
These Terms and Conditions and the use of the Site shall be governed by the laws of the State of New Jersey without regard to its conflict of laws principles. You and Geoph Essex/Jeff Essex/Semper Bufo agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the State of New Jersey, County of Hudson for all disputes arising out of or relating to these Terms and Conditions and/or the use of the Site.
You acknowledge and agree that these Terms and Conditions constitute the complete and exclusive agreement between us concerning your use of the Site, and supersede and govern all prior proposals, agreements, or other communications.
I reserve the right, in my sole discretion, to change these Terms and Conditions at any time by posting the changes on the Site, right here on this page. Any changes are effective immediately upon posting to the Site. Your continued use of the Site constitutes your agreement to all such terms and conditions. I may, with or without prior notice, terminate any of the rights granted by these Terms and Conditions. You shall comply immediately with any termination or other notice.
Nothing contained in these Terms and Conditions will be construed as creating any agency, partnership, or other form of joint enterprise between us. My failure to enforce any provision of these Terms and Conditions, by choice or by omission, will not affect my full right to enforce such provision at any time thereafter, nor will my waiver of a breach of any provision of these Terms and Conditions be interpreted to be a waiver of the provision itself. If any provision of these Terms and Conditions is held to be unenforceable or invalid under applicable law, the remainder of these Terms and Conditions will remain enforceable and valid to the fullest extent permitted by applicable law.